Category: writing

Longings of Regret

Edward AntonymLeave a comment

The below poem was submitted for The Common Language Project 2023. It is shown as presented; to see the word selection and usage, click here.

Ambition for dreams unmade
Could we but bend time to parts unplayed
We slant towards tangent and regret
Joining our minds to what we can’t forget

Through vein and artery, its pull is felt
We wear it ’round the belly like a belt

Desire to mesh ourselves with where we were
Fitting together what isn’t and what was
Lost in thoughts of what could’ve been
Yet bounded by reality we live in

Opportunities dwindle the longer we wait
There’s but a guide for the paths we take
Yet sometimes we hesitate
Heavy like metal we feel time’s weight

Even with means to chart the past
On the ladder of time, we’d lose our grasp
Our entire focus magnetized
Like a broken compass drawn to lies

If you dwell on what drove you there
You eventually find yourself in despair

But in mercy, you identify
Not the how nor the why
Just a node that changed your life
Things start clicking towards future bright

You hem the fabric of your choices
As you’ve received helpful voices
Though autonomous, you’re not alone
Therein find healing for your groans

Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Total Depravity Doesn’t Believe in Existence of Social Media [Satire]

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Rural KY – After finally getting connected to the Internet for the first time, local resident Bernard Gates posted on a message board thread discussing the evils of man that he does not believe in man’s fallen nature or total depravity. He was asked if he’d ever visited social media sites, such as Twitter or Facebook. He responded he didn’t know what a Twitter or Facebook was, but he was sure they were okay places where people only treated each other with dignity and respect.

When told they were often cesspools showcasing the worst of humanity for all the world to see, he responded that such places couldn’t possibly exist.

Follow-up attempts were made, but Bernard couldn’t be reached for further comment, due to his AOL disc running out of access time.

Tips for Writing Poetry

Edward AntonymLeave a comment

You don’t have to know what the DICKENS is going on.
Just start writing and eventually you’ll get your WORDSWORTH.
Your message can be incomplete; it doesn’t have to be THOREAU

If you’re worried about what to write, you can always try EMERSON therapy.
Good wordplay can really capture your WHITMAN.
Long poems can be serious, but short ones are better WHITTIER.

Your words can be tame or they can be WILDE.
You can write a ballad or a CARROLL.
You can write a happy poem to cheer up a LONGFELLOW.

Not everyone will like what you write; as in baseball, you won’t always get a HOMER.
If you borrow ideas from Hank, you’ll O HENRY a debt of gratitude.
There’s ELIOT more that could be written, for this HARDY BURNS the surface.

Rest in Him

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When you can’t see the forest
For the trees
When your mind’s all a jumble
And ill at ease
Sometimes the only thing
You can do
Is rest, rest, rest in Him

When your troubles
Feel overwhelming
And you don’t know
What the future holds

Just remember
Who holds the future

You may not understand
But you know He’s got a plan
Amidst your troubles and circumstance

Sometimes the only thing
You can do
Is rest, rest, rest in Him

It’s not always easy
That much I know
Sometimes things get really crazy

You may not understand
But you know He’s got a plan
Amidst your troubles and circumstance

Sometimes the only thing
You can do
Is rest, rest, rest in Him

Local Resident Identifies as Adverb [SATIRE]

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BISBEE, AZ -Local resident Arno Yesman made news when he came out as a porgskal and openly declared he now identifies as his own adverb and any other parts of speech that would not him put into a grammatical box or allow for any sort of conversation without him feeling personally offended.

“Claiming your own pronoun has gone too mainstream; I’m trying to stay ahead of the curve by identifying as my own adverb. Depending on my mood and the day of the week, I could even identify as my own preposition. People shouldn’t assume my part of speech and try to start conversations with me.”

When asked for clarification by a reporter, Arno explained, “Today I was feeling very snoghspy, but sometimes I woppsikally jazz it up. Wait, is today Bjoursdey? The sknoooban festival starts soon.”

When told he just said a lot of nothing, Arno called for cancelling the reporter for being close minded.

Goodbye, Grandma

Edward AntonymLeave a comment

My last living grandparent passed away today.

This wasn’t a surprise. My family knew this was coming; we just didn’t know when. She turned 90 years old back in October (any potential celebration destroyed by COVIDstances) and had a health scare back in November.

Her mental (and inevitably her physical health) had been failing for some time, and her last few years were spent in a nursing facility after being hospitalized by a fall she couldn’t remember. It was so difficult to watch her decline every time my wife and I went to visit her. My last memory of her being lucid was during that hospital visit after her fall (I was not expecting the lucidity); otherwise, we got stuck in conversation loops that I never really knew how to handle.

When I got the news of her passing, I didn’t feel anything specific. Maybe it’s because last year has left so many of us feeling emotionally drained in some ways. Or maybe it’s because I’d already come to terms with her being gone and had expected the news some time ago. When she did have that health scare, I had felt some bit of anxiousness (Is it COVID? Will she make it?), but hearing she was gone didn’t phase me at first. It wasn’t until I was writing out about not feeling anything that I did begin to feel some sort of sadness and cry some tears. Perhaps in writing it out there was some catharsis or realization of the reality that she’s gone.

The last time I saw her was last February, just before COVID sent everyone and everything into a spiral. I had decided to visit her because a dream I’d had that week about her passing away. It woke me up feeling panicky. I don’t remember the details of the dream, other than that specific thing. I don’t know why I had that dream. I kinda waited to see if anything might’ve happened in the real world, but I never heard any news, which was somewhat of a relief. I had thought of mentioning the dream to my family when I mentioned going to visit, but I had only told it to my wife. The dream itself was enough to shake me, but not worrying enough to bring up to my family. Maybe I should’ve. Would they have gone with me because of a dream? Would I have if someone else had that dream? I don’t know. None of us knew the months ahead would become what they did. Even though there was no news and it was just a dream, I still wanted to go see her. Given her state of health, I didn’t know if I might get another chance.

And I was right. I’m thankful I made that trip.

Grandma, you will be missed.

Ode to Mike

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(Originally published June 2, 2010)

Has it been so long?
A year has past,
Since the time
We saw you last

But you would not want
For us to be sad,
But rejoice in the Lord
And to always be glad.

Quite a character,
You’re one-of-a-kind.
No one else like you–
Oh, not that I mind.

You were warm and friendly
And always around.
Right where we left you,
You’d likely be found

You were hard at work
There was just no slowing.
You didn’t seem to stop.
What kept you going?

Though some look at you,
Might see half a man
Bad leg, sight, and sound
And lacking in hands.

While we take for granted
All that we’ve been given,
You didn’t complain.
You were too busy livin’.

You’d give God the glory
And all of the praise.
Though hand incomplete,
You’d still have it raised.

So with a fond farewell,
I bid you adieu
Until up in Heaven,
When I’ll walk with you.

Michael “Video Mike” Pyzdrowski
R.I.P.
June 2, 2009

Donald Trump Set to Win Self-Congratulations Award [SATIRE]

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Donald Trump showing off his favorite worldly possession.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – As another January rolls around, we are once again bombarded by many awards show and ceremonies. Of course, no award season would be complete without the all-important Self-Congratulations Award (The Ego), a staple of each year’s numerous speeches. Insiders have already hinted that this year’s frontrunner is none other than President Donald Trump, known for his roles in Twitterverse, Twitterverse 2: Electric Boogaloo, and Mr Sharknado Goes to Washington.

Runners up included presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren and representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), who were troubled by the decision. Elizabeth Warren reminded everyone she and fellow presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar never lost an election, quickly backhanding Amy by pointing out Amy hasn’t accomplished quite as much in terms of winning. Meanwhile, AOC told the press her cooking/dancing videos are extremely popular online, and her New Green Deal alerted everyone to the impending danger of farting cows.

When reached for comment about the decision, SCA committee chairman Tom Needlenose told reporters, “Look, there are many, many celebrities– from politicians to movie stars– who do a lot of self-pats on the back. It’s why there are so many awards shows in the first place. But we couldn’t think of anyone who deserves this honor more.”

Upon hearing the news, Trump responded: “I think the judges were completely fair in their assessment. Nobody’s done more to congratulate themselves than I have. I’d like to thank my ego for this accomplishment; it’s a yuge honor.”

Just A Fetus

Edward Antonym1 Comment

Yes, I am just a fetus
That’s why I need
Your love and protection
Not hate and destruction

I’m vulnerable, you see
And I rely on thee
To look after me

I have a heartbeat
And that’s no fable
But you can make decisions
While I am unable

I haven’t been born yet
I’m at a growing stage
I may be so tiny
But I look my age

You may see me
As less than human
And want to decide
That I’m not worth preservin’

I am human like you
Though not fully grown
Yet without your protection
I am all alone

You were once like me
At this point in your life
The difference between us
Is you’re on the outside