The Politician Who Cried Threat to Democracy (Fable/Satire)

Vote yes or no

Candidate X was popular with his constituents. He had ideas many of them approved of and promised to implement some of those ideas if elected. He was soon voted into office and became Leader X.

One day, Interested Businessman came up to Leader X and offered special support if he could sway constituents to vote on an idea that would help the town. Leader X was unsure of the idea, but he was always happy to have special support.

“They will never go for it,” Leader X reasoned, “unless…”

So he called a meeting and announced the idea, and like their leader, they were not sure about it either.

“It will help our town,” he calmly explained, adding “not voting for this idea is a threat to democracy.”

“Oh,” thought the constituents, “we like democracy.” So they agreed to the idea.

With the new idea in place, Leader X got his special support, but Businessman’s idea soon started causing some problems for the town. The townspeople suspected that Businessman’s business was the source of the problems, so they went to Leader X and asked him to look into it. Leader X agreed.

However, rather than addressing the issue, Interested Businessman offered a separate idea to Leader X. It was not a solution, but it would distract from the original issue. However, this too would require a vote and grant Leader X more authority. Leader X wanted people to know he was working to solve the problem, so he brought this new idea to the people.

“Failure to vote in agreement is a threat to democracy,” he reminded them.

So a majority approved of this new idea.

Soon enough, more problems began to develop, and people began to ask if they should’ve trusted Leader X. His judgment seemed to be questionable at best, detrimental at worst. However, others tried to reassure them that Leader X was not responsible for the problems, as he had looked for solutions. Some of them even noted that he “loves democracy, which is very important to our town.”

Leader X started to hear of murmurs and calls for his resignation. In his worry, he approached Interested Businessman for new ideas. Interested Businessman offered a third idea but added special support would be pulled if Leader X did not agree. Leader X didn’t want to lose his special support, so he went to the town and pitched the idea.

“We can’t do that,” Citizen L replied. “It’s not right and doesn’t solve the problem.” Many of the constituents agreed.

Taken aback by this response, Leader X quickly stated that following Citizen L’s advice was a threat to democracy. But they had heard it twice before, and things had only gotten worse. Undeterred by the push back, Leader X declared that Citizen L was an enemy of democracy and, using his newfound authority, had Citizen L arrested. Everyone else fell silent at this unexpected turn of events, for they had trusted Leader X’s bold stance for democracy.

Leader X remained in power for many years, continuing to have special support from Interested Businessman. Other business leaders had even thrown their own special support behind him. Meanwhile, the town eventually fell into disrepair. But people didn’t dare speak against Leader X or his ideas, for any opposition or disagreement was deemed a threat to democracy and was punished with indefinite imprisonment.

And so, the citizens learned too late the real threat to democracy.

Donald Trump Vows to Build Fourth Wall, Make Audience Pay for It

donald_trump

HOLLYWOOD, CA – After a recent tour of Universal Studios, Donald Trump told his supporters at a press conference, “It’s a disgrace in there. Every stage I saw has only three walls. I love Hollywood, but that’s no way to run a business. You can’t run a business with missing walls.” Trump was informed that stages have traditionally been made without the extra wall, but they are usually understood as being there by everyone involved.

After hearing that it allows audiences to see what goes on and sometimes interact with the actors, Trump replied that audiences don’t need to know what’s going on. “What happens on stage is nobody else’s business. Actors don’t need audiences. You get an audience in there, and members start sneaking over stage borders. They’re really notorious for stealing actors’ lines and scenes. You can’t trust audiences. When I’m elected president, every stage in Hollywood is gonna have a fourth wall, and you know who’s gonna pay for it? The audience. We’re gonna make theater great again.”

He was informed by a reporter that stages have been designed this way since the ancient Greeks, to which he responded, “If I had been around in ancient Greece, I would’ve built stages with four or five walls. Yeah, five walls. Huge walls! The Chinese got it right with their Great Wall. No wonder Greece was conquered by the Russians.”

As Donald Trump finished his press conference, many in the crowd could be heard chanting, “Make theater great again.”

Donald Trump later denied ever having heard of Universal Studios.