Wake Me from This Overnightmare

Posted: January 29, 2016 in career, change, life, work
Tags: , , , ,

I mentioned in at least one other post that that I work overnights and some of its effects; I’ve been at the same place with basically the same schedule for a little over five years. Well, I’m tired of working nights, and I’m just tired from working nights. So much of the time I’m physically tired, mentally worn out, and emotionally drained. I have days in which the only thing I do outside of my job is feel burned out and try to catch up on sleep/rest. The additional side effects of working a night job are also making me realize how much of my life I’m losing or missing out on by being where I am during the time frame I am there. Whatever benefits there might be or were when I started are quickly being outpaced by the cost.

For one thing, I have moments of forgetfulness and lack of focus, which are made worse by my inability to rest. (I’ve taken melatonin to help, but my body tends to build up resistance to such things.) Because I go in on one night and leave the next day, I don’t exactly know when my day starts or ends. (Lamentations 3:23 is a hard verse in the Bible for me to grapple with because I’m not sure when morning is.) Days blend together, and I sometimes forget what the current day of the week or date on the calendar is, making it hard to remember what happened on what day, pending something out of the ordinary happened.

Another aspect is there’s not a lot of variation in terms of job functions, but the job can get stressful at times. Additionally, I’m not ashamed to let people know that I’ve struggled with depression and loneliness, and working nights does not help me overcome these obstacles; in fact, it can make me feel more unstable or on edge at times. There are other health-related problems, so between the stress of the job itself and the associated health issues from working nights, it’s like compounded interest on a down payment of death.

If you’ve read up to this point and are still with me, you might be wondering why I don’t just move to a daytime position. If not, I’m going to put that thought on your radar, as it was something I had hoped to do after certain external circumstances had changed. Unfortunately, due to reasons I don’t understand and that aren’t my call, my request to move to days was denied, and the only other option I got was worse than my current standing. In other words, I feel trapped in a downward spiral until I eventually have a nervous breakdown or collapse from exhaustion.

Sigh.

But there is hope, and I’m not giving up on life.

In fact, I want to find another place of employment or line of work and quit my current job. I am looking for something else, but until I find it, I can’t afford to drop what I do because I still have expenses, which means I’m kind of stuck where I am until something definitive happens. And that’s where I wanted to ask any of my readers for help. If you feel inclined to help me out in this situation, I set up a gofundme page, hoping to raise support in the meantime and maybe quit sooner. (Genuine job leads are also appreciated.) I’ll be honest and say I’ve never done this before: asking people for money for this kind of scenario, so maybe I’m crazy to try. I do believe in the value of hard work and doing something that matters, but if a job is killing you metaphorically (maybe literally through rapid aging and excess stress) and escape seems nearly impossible, a crazy request is worth a shot.

On the other hand, if you just enjoy what I do here and reading my thoughts, I also have a PayPal link. Don’t feel obligated either way. I’ll still plan to be here writing, because it’s part of how I express myself.

-Edward Antonym

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