JJ Abrams Says No New Fans [SATIRE]

HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a stunning move that shocked fans, big-time producer J.J. Abrams, known for such hits as Lost, Alias, and Star Wars, was reported saying he didn’t want any new fans. “Stop telling people about my movies and please don’t go see my latest film in theaters. If it comes down to it, my company will stop providing entertainment for the masses.”

When asked what prompted such a bold statement, J.J. replied, “I was cool with allowing potential future fans to die before birth and not say anything, but then I realized it’s much more humane and makes more sense to tell people who are already outside the womb to stop seeing and enjoying the products of my labor.”

He later apologized for using the word “labor,” saying it reminds him too much of women giving birth and the magical process babies undergo to change from potential life to actual life upon exiting the womb.

Captain Marvel Reminds Us the MCU Is Still a Thing

Captain Marvel is an okay entry into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It does a good job of reminding us it is part of this universe more than it tells us about Captain Marvel.

BEWARE! SPOILERS!

Before the movie released, people were complaining about the actress. The problem with Captain Marvel has less to do with acting/actress and more to do with overall story/plot. It feels like an obvious piece of the larger MCU more than a standalone movie. It is a bridge between Avengers 3 & 4, the character having been “introduced” in 3’s credit scene, and it contains more than enough components that are best understood if you’ve seen enough of the 20 other films. (I haven’t seen them all.) While it’s building this connection to the rest of the universe, not a whole lot more is known about the character by the end of the movie than at/near the beginning.

I get these movies are all part of one universe, but a self-contained story on its characters is doable (see: Black Panther, Ant-Man, or Guardians of the Galaxy), especially if it’s an origin story. However, Captain Marvel doesn’t spend enough time explaining/developing certain plot points without moving on, but it repeatedly lets the viewer know it’s part of the MCU, serving as a reminder all these movies are somehow connected. This includes, but is not limited to, having a major character from a “future” movie playing a minimal roles in this movie (Ronan) and revealing Cap’s powers originated from the Tesseract (because why not). We even see how Nick Fury loses his eye (“Cat Scratch Fever”? Seriously? Why?) and comes up with the name for Avengers Initiative… bits that are minor to the movie and maybe minor to the overall MCU. Seriously, if we never found out exactly how he lost/injured his eye or decided on Avengers Initiative, there would be no impact on the bigger picture. Maybe the only thing that had significance was how he got the pager, since it was the key to the lock.

On the other hand, there are certain elements of this movie left unexplained or that felt unnecessary. How/why did Carol lose her memory after she gets her powers? (Other than we get to learn as she learns through chopped memory sequences, making her origin story Bourne Identity meets Luke Cage)*. Why did Dr. Lawson/Mar-Vell change sides? The first half of the movie spends so much time focused on finding her to advance the plot, but then we learn she’s not really fighting with the Kree. Or is she? Was she fighting against her people the whole time? Did she learn something that made her switch sides?  All we get is “here’s a disc so you’ll stop attacking us” and blind acceptance to what the Skrull leader says. This could’ve been resolved by the hidden Skrull revealing in a few lines why she hadn’t been working with the Kree, but by then it’s forgotten.

I mentioned the cat, which was basically a plot device, showing up inexplicably in multiple scenes until the one scene it’s revealed the cat is not really a cat. Instead it’s really a tentacle-mouthed creature that can eat the Tesseract, the MCU MacGuffin that can’t be touched by human hands. (For the uninitiated like me, Google explains this “cat” is something called a flerken… I think it’s Kree/Skrull for “plot device.”) I suspected early on it wasn’t just a cat, since it did keep showing up, so the reveal was bizarre but anticlimactic, as if they just needed to wrap up the story and relocate the Tesseract for “future” MCU purposes. (End credit scene shows it coughed up, conveniently tying up another loose end.) Then the cat suddenly scratches Nick Fury, just so we can have an answer to how he got his eye messed up… was it surgically removed after this? It was just a scratch, right? Not a clawing out? Why did it even turn on him?

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t hate this movie, but there was nothing that particularly stood out to make this movie its own story apart from being a part of the MCU. Since it is less of a straightforward narrative and more of choppily digging through memories (Carol’s and the MCU’s), it’s difficult to get a sense of who the character is or why I should care. As someone who knows little about the character, I would’ve liked to learn something about her that makes her who she is and not just another cog in the machine. It seemed more of a CliffsNotes version of Captain Marvel’s power (and maybe Nick Fury) to set up the next MCU domino than much of anything else. I didn’t know what to expect from the movie going in (other than 90s nostalgia from the trailers). I mainly went to see it because of its place between the Avengers 3 & 4, but I thought this would tell me something about the character. However, I feel as if I could probably watch the next installment without having watched this one and not have missed anything important. I guess we’ll see if there was any payoff when Avengers 4 rolls out next month.

*Forgetful character trying to remember. Flashback reveals overdose of power source leading to invulnerability.

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Creativity Is What I Am

NOTE: This is adapted and modified from something I wrote on Facebook a few years ago.

I’ll say up front that I am a Christian, and I believe people were made in the image of a Creator; subsequently, all people possess some form of creativity. In some way or another, each person can be creative, given the right circumstances. Granted, creativity is not limited to artistic expression, as creativity is the very essence of life; creativity is what transforms some cloth and poles into a tent, sheltering people from the elements. But for the sake of simplicity, I’m making the distinction between those people like me who live for or gravitate toward creative outlets and those who are less inclined to be creative as a means of self-expression.

The first thing is to ask, “What is creativity?” Google’s dictionary defines it as “the use of the imagination or original ideas, esp. in the production of an artistic work.” Creativity is essentially the ability to produce something new or different, usually intriguing, using whatever resources are accessible. Creativity turns an ordinary cardboard box into a fort, race car, spaceship, or even a non-ordinary cardboard box.

But how are creative types different from those who seemingly lack creative self-expression. What makes a person creative anyway? What qualities do creative types possess that link them together yet at the same time make each person different? I’d like to share just a few qualities we have in common. This is based on personal experience and knowledge of other creative types, not meant as some scientific or groundbreaking discovery. For the sake of needlessly using an acronym to emphasize points, I’ve used each letter in “creativity.” Creative types are

  • Curious
  • Resourceful
  • Emotional
  • Adaptable
  • Tenacious
  • Inspired
  • Varied
  • Imaginative
  • Talented
  • “You-nique.”1

  Curious. Creative types are by nature inquisitive explorers; we venture where others are not willing to go or try things others are not willing to try. When it comes to being creative, we overtly or subconsciously ask the question, “What if…?” or “Is this possible?” Creativity is not about seeing things and the world as they are, but seeing them as how they could be; it’s about considering possibilities or looking at potential. A canvas is but an unstarted painting, a sheet of paper but an unwritten poem. Curiosity is but a starting point, for while not all curious people are necessarily creative, all creative people possess some sort of curiosity within themselves. “If you have ideas, but don’t act on them, you are imaginative but not creative.” — Linda Naiman

People less inclined toward creativity may think us curiosities or just plain weird for not seeing things as they are or were; conversely, we may think non-creative people are dull or rigid for not seeing possibilities.

  Resourceful. Within the creative process, you may be restricted by resource limitations, but in creativity, the only true limit is one’s own imagination. It’s not about what you don’t have; it’s about what you do have or can access. Basic economics teaches us that resource limitations are a part of life, which means we do not always have what we need to accomplish what we want. But we work with what we have. Creative types like to find ways to get what they need by using what they have available in order to accomplish a goal. If what we have does not help us directly accomplish our goals, we like to find ways to indirectly reach them. For example, you want a new costume idea but don’t have money to afford anything, so you look in your closet and start piecing together old costume parts to modify a creation of your own design.

  Emotional. This is twofold, for it speaks of how we relate to what we do and how we relate to other people. When it comes to being creative, there is sometimes an attachment to what we design, especially when it is for whom or what we care about most. When we really get into the creative process, we may figuratively and/or literally pour our blood, sweat, and tears into whatever we are making, sometimes at the cost of basic necessities. Simply put, we can get proverbially lost in a project, but it might be how we best express who we are deep down. Whenever we design anything that requires much effort, it becomes a part of who we are; it tells others, “this is what I do because I want to” or “this is something important to me.” Think of the author who spends hours inside a room with just paper and pen, until words form sentences, characters, and worlds; these are the ones who truly understand how a story takes on a life of its own. Because what is produced is an extension of oneself, there can be an emotional attachment to the process or the end result, and in that process is found a kind of joy or happiness.

Relating to people can be different than relating to what we produce, but it is through creating we connect with other people.  When it comes to people, some creative types may seem emotionally distant on the surface, but they really do have emotions that might not always be easily expressed with physical or verbal gestures. Emotions may simply be better expressed through one’s work or even by giving one’s work freely to others. Other creative types may be more emotionally-expressive than others, lashing out and “unleashing their wrath” should their work be disrupted (or perhaps it’s an immaturity on their part), but it does not mean they only care about themselves or their work. If you don’t think they can be given to emotions, think of children who are often proud to have their “masterpieces” adorned on the fridge by their parents.2

  Adaptable. Humans have an inherent need for a sense of stability or consistency; without such things, life’s problems will overwhelm a person. However, life is all about change, for change is inevitable. The only way to survive and thrive in change is to be adaptable.

Because creative types possess a willingness to try out new ideas and methods or to explore new places, new situations do not necessarily scare or intimidate them. If forced into strange or uncertain circumstances, creative types will eventually find a way to work within the situation. Adaptability allows us to become who and what we need to be for a given situation in order to survive. Our ingenuity, which is a combination of adaptability and resourcefulness, allows us to find ways to work within new settings and thrive when resources are limited. Since we cannot always control our circumstances or have resources readily available, we learn to work where we are and with what we have in order to accomplish a goal. Of course, end results are not always as expected, but adaptability also allows us to change the goal to match available resources.

  Tenacious. It may seem counter-intuitive or contradictory, but creative types are flexible yet stubborn. While we may be willing to accept change and work within our circumstances, we are not so easily willing to give up on a project or idea, especially when so much time, energy, and/or thought processes have already been personally invested. When one method or idea does not work, there can be a willingness to try a new approach, albeit sometimes reluctantly. While there are times we want to quit, our determination may compel us to keep going toward some perceivable goal. This drive for project completion can result in sleep deprivation; we sometimes will spend countless hours trying to get “that one thing” just right.

  Inspired. While creativity does require imagination, our ideas are probably inspired more often than we pull anything from our own imaginations. Almost any idea you can think of has probably been thought of by a thousand other people who lived before you. This is why creativity does not always mean completely original and why similarities of other ideas or concepts may often be recognized in different people’s work. Being inspired is different from blatantly copying someone else’s work. Appreciation of someone else’s idea, which too may have been inspired, can be noted by the joyfully-exasperated question: “Why didn’t I think of that?” Appreciation is not to be confused with begrudging an unspoken idea being somehow stolen or that someone else beat us to the proverbial punch.

  Varied. “Variety is the spice of life.” Creative types are likely less drawn to the “same old, same old” and may become bored or uninspired doing such tedious tasks others are more comfortable doing. There is a joy found in learning or trying something new or creating something different. Creativity is also not limited to one design, one area of expertise, or one avenue of self-expression. A really creative person can produce different designs in the same area or function in different areas; in fact, some individuals may thrive better with multiple outlets of self-expression.

Additionally, the thinking of creative types is probably less linear than other people who only see results, for we might be seeing the beginning, middle, and any number of endings all at the same time. We might be considering many ways to get to a destination, noticing the details other people miss, or perhaps dreaming up ideas others can’t envision. While mechanical routines can feel boring or wearisome, the internal thought processes of the creative mind can generate excitement. Creative types may seem to lack “one-track mindedness” in some areas, coming across as less focused on the mundane or more absent-minded, mechanical processes, but they could simply be lost in their own thoughts and/or creative processes.

  Imaginative. Creativity requires imagination. Imagination is the only true limit to being creative. You will hardly lack for ideas if you possess and exercise your imagination, even if you lack the resources to accomplish your goal. An original idea may not necessarily come from one’s own imagination, but imagination is needed to put all parts together, to envision the final outcome before a project is started and as it is going. When everything is pieced together, it can result in a truly remarkable and memorable piece that started in someone’s imagination. Granted, while creativity does not always mean something completely original from start to finish, in some cases it can, yet this may be what is most considered when people say something is creative.

A huge part of who we are, imagination is a piece of our childhood we never truly gave up nor wish to give up. Side effects may include getting lost in thought easily and/or talking happily about things which might not actually exist.

  Talented.3 While anything or anyone can inspire ideas, no amount of lectures, book-reading, or knowledge increase will make someone creative. These things can and do spark creative ideas, but they do not make someone creative. Creativity cannot be taught, but it can be cultivated.  The ability to really express ourselves creatively is something we either possess or we do not, but even if we possess it, it must be cultivated to grow. Even the most creative people you know probably have works that they look back on and would disown, if not for their emotional attachment and how much they have grown since then. Once upon a time, some of us only knew how to draw stick figures or Tic-Tac-Toe boards.

  You-nique. This is the crux of creativity; it separates originality from carbon copy.  Uniqueness is the difference between making something our own and just simply imitating what someone else is doing. While similarities are normal, each person’s style, method, medium, etc. of expressing ideas is as different as the person who generates them. If two creative people are given the same assignment and tools, each could conceivably produce something completely different.

What makes someone creative? There’s not really one set thing that separates us from those around us. Creative types are curious about the world around them, and they use what they have available to make things happen. They may become attached to their designs, but they are not emotionless robots or self-centered sociopaths. They roll with the punches but do not give up easily. Their ideas are inspired by others. They like variety and may often imagine things differently than how they are. Creativity comes naturally to them, but more than anything, they are unique in how their creativity is expressed. In short, they are not all that different from less creative types; really it’s only that they engage the world that isn’t with the world that is.

I am creative, and I embrace this.

creativity


1Because why not.

2There are some drawings I did when I was a little boy, and they are in my dad’s office at home. Sometimes I see them and think, “I can’t believe he still has those things.”

3Talent is not to be confused with skill, for skill level does not necessarily negate nor confirm creative ability. One can master the mechanical, but still lack the drive to be creative.

Christmas Movies Summed Up in Four Lines of Poetry

A time for laughter
A time for fun
Time to ask Santa
For a new BB gun.


If your family doesn’t know
That you’re left alone
Do your best to protect
From burglars your home.


Way up in Vermont
Where snow is so white
Yet it’s not seen at all
Until the last sight


A toy super cool
Was promised to get
Many antics so crazy
And Sinbad were met


His wish was granted
He hadn’t been born
But life without him
Was truly forlorn


Past, present, and future
The one thing that stays
People won’t miss you
If you don’t change your ways


Try to steal Christmas
You won’t get away
‘Cause your heart will increase
To three sizes that day


Came face-to-face
With the man in suit red
You take his place
Since you made him dead.


Born as a human
Yet raised as an elf
Went to find his family
Met Zooey Deschanel


Santa’s not real!
Why won’t you quit?
That man’s just a bum
He’s an alcoholic.


A sad little tree
Made new by some friends
The true message of Christmas
You’ll hear by the end


His mama’s so sick
She’s gonna die
If only these shoes
You’d help him to buy

Donald Trump Vows to Build Fourth Wall, Make Audience Pay for It

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – After a recent tour of Universal Studios, Donald Trump told his supporters at a press conference, “It’s a disgrace in there. Every stage I saw has only three walls. I love Hollywood, but that’s no way to run a business. You can’t run a business with missing walls.” Trump was informed that stages have traditionally been made without the extra wall, but they are usually understood as being there by everyone involved.

After hearing that it allows audiences to see what goes on and sometimes interact with the actors, Trump replied that audiences don’t need to know what’s going on. “What happens on stage is nobody else’s business. Actors don’t need audiences. You get an audience in there, and members start sneaking over stage borders. They’re really notorious for stealing actors’ lines and scenes. You can’t trust audiences. When I’m elected president, every stage in Hollywood is gonna have a fourth wall, and you know who’s gonna pay for it? The audience. We’re gonna make theater great again.”

He was informed by a reporter that stages have been designed this way since the ancient Greeks, to which he responded, “If I had been around in ancient Greece, I would’ve built stages with four or five walls. Yeah, five walls. Huge walls! The Chinese got it right with their Great Wall. No wonder Greece was conquered by the Russians.”

As Donald Trump finished his press conference, many in the crowd could be heard chanting, “Make theater great again.”

Donald Trump later denied ever having heard of Universal Studios.

Star Wars: The Force Remakens

Or “A New Hype”

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The Force

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Han Solo

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This is a line

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I’m a doctor, not a spoiler

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Did I mention spoilers?

I’ve seen some of the Star Wars movies, but I’m not exactly a big fan of the franchise. I recently had the chance to view the latest movie in the series with someone else who is a fan, yet the question I’m wondering is which movie did I actually see? People have been so excited with this latest installment in the franchise. People are so enamored with it, some willing to shell out money for multiple viewings, but I have to ask if anyone else realizes it’s not really that new. We’ve seen these plot points before in other Star Wars movies. If I, a non-fan, can see these glaring similarities, surely someone else who isn’t too awestruck by nostalgia can catch them too.

The new Star Wars movie started out so familiar, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to see something new as the film got going. Near the beginning of A New Hope The Force Awakens, Stormtroopers show up with Darth Vader Kylo Ren, shooting up the place, looking for some plans a map. We meet Princess Leia Poe Dameron, who puts said plans map into droid R2-D2 BB-8 with the intention of being viewed by Obi-Wan Kenobi the Resistance. R2-D2 BB-8 is sent off in another direction from the battle scene. Meanwhile, Leia Poe is taken as a prisoner aboard the enemy’s ship, but is soon freed by someone in a Stormtrooper uniform. Eventually Darth Kylo will go looking for BB-D2, who gets captured on a desert planet and is found by Luke Skywalker Rey Noname, whose parents aren’t introduced to us. (We’re just waiting for Luke to say, “I am your father.”)

Fast forward… Did you see that trench spaceship run to bring down the sphere of doom (the one that destroys planets) and those shield generators on the nearby planet? What about the old man being killed by the lead villain while the young Jedi looks on helplessly?  Oh, did you catch the nearly-dead bad guy being left for the behind-the-scenes villain to pick up? (That chasm was a mighty convenient way to keep our intrepid villain around for the sequel.)

Other predictability/convenience points: Millennium Falcon’s introduction (saw that coming the first time she said “garbage”), Finn was not dragged off by that creature, even though everyone else was quickly devoured (good job, Captain Heroesdonotdie).

Way to go, J.J. Lucas. You proved that rehashing old material and strapping the name “Star Wars” still sells millions.