Why Astrological Signs Are Equine Excrement

Have you ever heard someone when talking about birthdays use any form of the wording “you are *insert zodiac sign*” and then proceed to talk about the how and why of someone’s personality based solely on that information? But what happens if someone diverts from the expectations of a specific sign’s description? In other words, what if a person acts differently than his/her “star sign” would suggest? The problem with defining people by a star signs is that it basically pigeonholes them into certain characteristics and creates a kind of prejudice as to how a person should think or behave.

Let’s start with something basic: Humans are complex creatures. If being born “under a certain star sign” caused/revealed certain personality traits, there would only be about twelve different personality types, and humans would be a lot less complex. You can’t really judge how people will think or behave, based solely on what time of year they’re born. Even people who are born within the same time frame for whatever constellation might have completely dissimilar personalities, and/or they might approach the same issue from different angles or generally see the world very differently. Additionally, each person can come across differently to other people because of individual personality traits.

Not only could multiple people born around the same time of year have different personalities, but two people born under different signs could also have similar traits. If I had to guess, I’d say each of us has at least one or two personality traits in common with each person we encounter, regardless of birthday. In fact, if you read descriptions for each of the signs, you might find bits of yourself in multiple signs or even discover variations for the same sign, so the descriptions are somewhat of a cosmic guessing game.

Basically, our personality and traits can and tend to change over time; that’s just part of life. Granted, there are aspects of each of us that may never change, but if you let a star or constellation define people, you really only limit yourself and others you encounter. And then you’ll probably wonder why they act differently than their star sign tells you they should, and you may even react negatively when they do.

It’s Official

To celebrate the new year, I decided to buy my very first Web site and register my own domain name. I don’t know what all I’ll do with it that I haven’t already been doing with this space, but my name exists as a URL now.

edwardantonym.wordpress.com has now become edwardantonym.com

Sorry I don’t have anything profound or poetic to write this time, but I wanted to give an update and have a mini celebration.

Happy New Year!

-Edward Antonym

15 Recommended* Ways To Spend New Year’s Eve

This is something I wrote several years ago, but it’s become something of a tradition for me to share it each year.

15 Recommended* Ways To Spend New Year’s Eve

…And Have Fun Doing It Too!

  1. Sleep the day away: When you wake up, it will be a whole new year.
  2. Write poetry. “New Year” rhymes well: “Two deer,” “Who here,” “You hear?” “Boo! Cheer!” “Bluebeard.”
  3. Make resolution not to follow the crowd because “Hey, everyone else is making resolutions.”
  4. Wipe down a chalkboard: Start the new year with a clean slate.
  5. Prepare “First to do/be/say” list for tomorrow. Start following the list at Midnight to claim bragging rights; everyone else will love you for it.
  6. Brace for tomorrow’s “I remember last year as though it were yesterday” jokes. Be the first to say this at Midnight because the more times you hear/say it, the less funny it is. (You might as well try to be the funniest person.)
  7. Get a compass: Start the new year with some direction.
  8. Draw blueprints: Have a plan for next year.
  9. Stand on one foot until Midnight, then switch to the other. It is suggested to begin with the left, so you can start the new year on the right foot.
  10. Make list of things to put off until next year; #1: that list of things to put off.
  11. Scream at the top of your lungs at precisely 11:59:59 PM: End the year on a high note.
  12. Figure out some equations and later brag about having used your time to wisely solve some complex problems before the new year started.
  13. If attending a party, leave hosts shortly before Midnight saying, “I’ll see you next year.” Return shortly afterward.
  14. Complain about something that will take until next year to complete. Make it simple; everyone else will love you for it.
  15. Make others groan or laugh one final time for the year: show them this list.

*Not recommended if you don’t have a sense of humor or the desire to be annoying

Watch My Show

(To the tune of “Let It Snow”)

Oh, YouTube is rather frightening,
Watch people get hit by lightning,
Better upload my video
Watch my show! Watch my show! Watch my show!

There are people who do dumb things,
Even people who cannot sing.
If you want one that’s full of win
Think again! Think again! Think again!

There’s that video you can’t find.
Was that ninja just owned by a mime?
And if you’ve really lost your mind.
You’ll be here all of the time.

Brain cells are quickly fleeing
After all the stuff you’re seeing
If you’ve got nothing else to do,
Watch YouTube! Watch YouTube! Watch YouTube!

The Joy of Christmastime Baby Being

You know that feeling of excitement kids get when Christmas approaches? The gifts, the music, and so on. And the thoughts of so many people, “What am I going to get so-and-so for Christmas?” I know the feeling.

When kids’ birthdays approach, they probably get excited about that as well and even wonder, “What am I going to get for my birthday?” But for some, it’s more a question of “will anyone remember my birthday?” Do you know that feeling?

It’s the “most wonderful time of the year,” unless your birthday falls between Thanksgiving and Christmas. People get so busy during this time, and what could be a special day for a kid might go by without acknowledgement. Or maybe it does get acknowledged with a combination birthday-Christmas gift, while everyone else around you also gets gifts independent of their birthdays. One might think you’d get twice as many gifts at one time, but how often does one clean up so well? Besides, it’s less special if everyone else is getting gifts too. And each year is about the same; your birthday can become a day that doesn’t stand out and nobody else remembers, even one’s own mother. (That happened to me, but it’s now just a memory of yesteryear.)

But you know what? You get older. You survive. And you celebrate in your own way. You eventually might even realize you’re not alone.

Today is my birthday, and having it so near Christmas used to be not so great, but it’s really not too bad now, even as I look back. Depending on a birthday’s proximity to Christmas, work/school could be a non-issue. Other kids aren’t so lucky; after all, birthdays don’t get most people out of work/school for a day. Now that I’m older, I’d rather be working on my birthday than be unemployed (though being off would be nice occasionally).

You know what else? I got to come home from the hospital for the first time in a stocking. One I still have. Now that’s pretty special.

image

I’m sure there are other reasons to enjoy today for what it is, my birthday being so close to Christmas. I may not even try to celebrate the way I used to as a kid anyway, but I still enjoy having my birthday, even if I don’t do much with it. Not to mention, there aren’t really any material possessions I want so badly, and I find it more fun to give gifts than receive them.

So if your birthday is close to Christmas, I know how you feel (unless your birthday is on Christmas, which I don’t). It stinks as a kid to be so overshadowed by such a monumental holiday, but it will be okay. Just hang in there.

Star Wars: The Force Remakens

Or “A New Hype”

Spoilers!

Spoilers!

Spoilers!

Spoilers!

Spoilers!

Spoilers!

The Force

Spoilers!

Han Solo

Spoilers!

This is a line

Spoilers!

I’m a doctor, not a spoiler

Spoilers

Did I mention spoilers?

I’ve seen some of the Star Wars movies, but I’m not exactly a big fan of the franchise. I recently had the chance to view the latest movie in the series with someone else who is a fan, yet the question I’m wondering is which movie did I actually see? People have been so excited with this latest installment in the franchise. People are so enamored with it, some willing to shell out money for multiple viewings, but I have to ask if anyone else realizes it’s not really that new. We’ve seen these plot points before in other Star Wars movies. If I, a non-fan, can see these glaring similarities, surely someone else who isn’t too awestruck by nostalgia can catch them too.

The new Star Wars movie started out so familiar, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to see something new as the film got going. Near the beginning of A New Hope The Force Awakens, Stormtroopers show up with Darth Vader Kylo Ren, shooting up the place, looking for some plans a map. We meet Princess Leia Poe Dameron, who puts said plans map into droid R2-D2 BB-8 with the intention of being viewed by Obi-Wan Kenobi the Resistance. R2-D2 BB-8 is sent off in another direction from the battle scene. Meanwhile, Leia Poe is taken as a prisoner aboard the enemy’s ship, but is soon freed by someone in a Stormtrooper uniform. Eventually Darth Kylo will go looking for BB-D2, who gets captured on a desert planet and is found by Luke Skywalker Rey Noname, whose parents aren’t introduced to us. (We’re just waiting for Luke to say, “I am your father.”)

Fast forward… Did you see that trench spaceship run to bring down the sphere of doom (the one that destroys planets) and those shield generators on the nearby planet? What about the old man being killed by the lead villain while the young Jedi looks on helplessly?  Oh, did you catch the nearly-dead bad guy being left for the behind-the-scenes villain to pick up? (That chasm was a mighty convenient way to keep our intrepid villain around for the sequel.)

Other predictability/convenience points: Millennium Falcon’s introduction (saw that coming the first time she said “garbage”), Finn was not dragged off by that creature, even though everyone else was quickly devoured (good job, Captain Heroesdonotdie).

Way to go, J.J. Lucas. You proved that rehashing old material and strapping the name “Star Wars” still sells millions.

“O Christmas Tree” Rewrite

This was one of my earliest rewrites; although, I didn’t actually write it down back then. Basically this is one of the earliest parody attempts I remember doing, but I still remember the words.

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,
How ever brown your branches.

We bought you in the early fall.
We didn’t water you at all.

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,
Why did you have to die?