Posts Tagged ‘parody’

(Parody #2 of “Testify” by NEEDTOBREATHE)

[Chorus]
Hand me a plate, hand me a fork
What’s for dessert tonight?
Here at the table, I’m gonna eat a tasty pie
Give me a piece, it’s called a slice
Open my mouth real wide
Sit at the table and gonna eat a tasty pie

[Verse 1]
With ice cream, it’s pie ala mode
Oh, do I want a scoop or two?
Wait just a sec. I could use a spoon
Oh, here’s just what I’m going to do
Eat it before it gets cold.

[Chorus]
Hand me a plate, hand me a fork
What’s for dessert tonight?
Here at the table, I’m gonna eat a tasty pie
Give me a piece, it’s called a slice
Open my mouth real wide
Sit at the table and gonna eat a tasty pie

[Verse 2]
Bite after bite, I start to get full
Oh, I’ll probably start to regret
Eating it before it gets cold.

[Chorus]
Hand me a plate, hand me a fork
What’s for dessert tonight?
Here at the table, I’m gonna eat a tasty pie
Give me a piece, it’s called a slice
Open my mouth real wide
Sit at the table and gonna eat a tasty pie
Give me a piece, it’s called a slice
Open my mouth real wide
Sit at the table and gonna eat a tasty pie

[Bridge]
Start to regret it, scarfing that pie down
Feel kinda achy, tummy’s making sounds
I still can taste it, feel like passing out
Feels like I’m dying, lying on the ground

[Chorus]
Hand me a plate, hand me a fork
What’s for dessert tonight?
Here at the table, I’m gonna eat a tasty pie
Give me a piece, it’s called a slice
Open my mouth real wide
Sit at the table and gonna eat a tasty pie
Give me a piece, it’s called a slice
Open my mouth real wide
Sit at the table and gonna eat a tasty pie

[Outro]
Gonna eat a tasty pie
(Open my mouth real wide)
Gonna eat a tasty pie
(Open my mouth real wide)
Open my mouth, open my mouth real wide
Gonna eat a tasty pie
Open my mouth, open my mouth real wide
Barfed up a tasty pie

(Parody #1 of “Testify” by NEEDTOBREATHE)

[Chorus]
Where is my shirt? Where are my socks?
Wanna get my outfit right
Look in the closet and see what I can find
Here are some jeans, here is a glove
Feels like I’m wasting time
Look in the closet and gotta wear my festive tie

[Verse 1]
It’s taking a while. I found my shoes.
Oh, here’s a woolen sweater too
Where are my pants? I need to leave soon
Oh, I am running late for sure
Where is my coat? I don’t know.

[Chorus]
Where is my shirt? Where are my socks
Wanna get my outfit right
Look in the closet and see what I can find
Here are some jeans, here is a glove
Feels like I’m wasting time
Look in the closet and gotta wear my festive tie

[Verse 2]
Day after day, I search through my clothes
Oh, I found a missing belt
Where is my coat? I don’t know.

[Chorus]
Where is my shirt? Where are my socks
Wanna get my outfit right
Look in the closet and see what I can find
Here are some jeans, here is a glove
Feels like I’m wasting time
Look in the closet and gotta wear my festive tie

[Bridge]
Missing the party, looking all around
I’m done pretending. Can it be found?
I think I misplaced it
There’s no way to know
Here in this moment, It cannot be found

[Chorus 2]
Where is my shirt? Where are my socks
Wanna get my outfit right
Look in the closet and see what I can find
Here are some jeans, here is a glove
Feels like I’m wasting time
Look in the closet and gotta wear my festive tie
Here are some jeans, here is a glove
Feels like I’m wasting time
Looked in the closet and
Couldn’t find my festive tie

[Outro]
Couldn’t find my festive tie.
(Couldn’t find my)
Couldn’t find my festive tie.
(Couldn’t find my)
Couldn’t find my, couldn’t find my festive tie.
Feels like I’m wasting time
Couldn’t find my, couldn’t find my festive tie.
Wasted so much time

donald_trump

HOLLYWOOD, CA – After a recent tour of Universal Studios, Donald Trump told his supporters at a press conference, “It’s a disgrace in there. Every stage I saw has only three walls. I love Hollywood, but that’s no way to run a business. You can’t run a business with missing walls.” Trump was informed that stages have traditionally been made without the extra wall, but they are usually understood as being there by everyone involved.

After hearing that it allows audiences to see what goes on and sometimes interact with the actors, Trump replied that audiences don’t need to know what’s going on. “What happens on stage is nobody else’s business. Actors don’t need audiences. You get an audience in there, and members start sneaking over stage borders. They’re really notorious for stealing actors’ lines and scenes. You can’t trust audiences. When I’m elected president, every stage in Hollywood is gonna have a fourth wall, and you know who’s gonna pay for it? The audience. We’re gonna make theater great again.”

He was informed by a reporter that stages have been designed this way since the ancient Greeks, to which he responded, “If I had been around in ancient Greece, I would’ve built stages with four or five walls. Yeah, five walls. Huge walls! The Chinese got it right with their Great Wall. No wonder Greece was conquered by the Russians.”

As Donald Trump finished his press conference, many in the crowd could be heard chanting, “Make theater great again.”

Donald Trump later denied ever having heard of Universal Studios.

(To the tune of “Let It Snow”)

Oh, YouTube is rather frightening,
Watch people get hit by lightning,
Better upload my video
Watch my show! Watch my show! Watch my show!

There are people who do dumb things,
Even people who cannot sing.
If you want one that’s full of win
Think again! Think again! Think again!

There’s that video you can’t find.
Was that ninja just owned by a mime?
And if you’ve really lost your mind.
You’ll be here all of the time.

Brain cells are quickly fleeing
After all the stuff you’re seeing
If you’ve got nothing else to do,
Watch YouTube! Watch YouTube! Watch YouTube!

This was one of my earliest rewrites; although, I didn’t actually write it down back then. Basically this is one of the earliest parody attempts I remember doing, but I still remember the words.

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,
How ever brown your branches.

We bought you in the early fall.
We didn’t water you at all.

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,
Why did you have to die?

Video: Po-Ed-ic Justice: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Original Poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
Except there was someone wrapping last-minute gifts
Trying to be silent but trying to be swift.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
They’d been on our feet and smelled really gross
First thing he’d notice is the smell of our toes.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
Am I sure about that? How do I know?
Since this is my story, it’s because I say so.

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
It’s called “hibernation.” That’s what we do there
Bet you didn’t know this poem’s about bears

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
I opened my laptop, went to Facebook
Posted “Someone outside, I’m gonna take a look.”

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
I had grabbed my shotgun from out of the den
If in for fight, that person wouldn’t win

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
To say the least, it was rather bright,
Even though it was the middle of the night.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
I recognized them at once, knew them by sight
But photos online hadn’t gotten them quite right

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
But what if a thief or a sleigh jacker
What if this person was a late night attacker?

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
The middle of the night, didn’t anyone tell him
There’s no need for all of that yellin’.

“Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
Shouting out names for the neighbors to hear
Waking them up seemed the least of his fears

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
But was he coming or going, I wasn’t quite sure.
Why say “away” when he really meant towards?

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
Those are some visuals for you to imagine
Now for no reason, just picture a dragon.

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
All of that movement made the vehicle shake
If it fell from the sleigh, it would surely break.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
That better be Santa and not some thief
Thinking this thought gave me no relief.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
Being quite cautious, I still had my gun
I know how to use it to protect everyone.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
I still wasn’t sure. Was this Santa Claus?
No need to fire yet, so I stood with a pause.

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
Was this stuff stolen or was it legit?
I wondered aloud, “Where did he get it?”

His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
Was he feeling well? Was he contagious?
To become sick by Santa would be outrageous?

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
He smiled at me, gun still in my hand,
But he wasn’t afraid, I didn’t understand.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
Yes, Santa smokes. He’s still a role model.
He also had whiskey, drank straight from the bottle.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
Bet you didn’t know that jelly can laugh
A misplaced modifier can be quite a gaffe

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
I had given a chuckle, still somewhat nervous,
Had this fat man in a suit come here just to hurt us?

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
So I lowered my gun from its steady aim
Thankful it wasn’t his life I had claimed.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
It was probably the foot smell that made him react
Unless it was his smoke that caused him to hack.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
I’ll never know if it was our feet or his smoke
Which caused dear Santa to cough and to choke.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
He was really quite silent inside that room
But noisy as traffic when out under the moon.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!
He had shouted to all, again without warning.
Then someone cursed and replied, “It’s still early morning!”

On the first day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me a burger with some french fries

On the second day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the third day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the fourth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the fifth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the sixth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the seventh day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me seven empty boxes
…six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the eighth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me eight extension cords
…seven empty boxes
…six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the ninth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me nine yards of duct tape
…eight extension cords
…seven empty boxes
…six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the tenth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me ten paperclips stuck together
…nine yards of duct tape
…eight extension cords
…seven empty boxes
…six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the eleventh day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me eleven how-to manuals
…ten paperclips stuck together
…nine yards of duct tape
…eight extension cords
…seven empty boxes
…six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries

On the twelfth day of Christmas, a pragmatist brought to me receipts for reimbursement
…eleven how-to manuals
…ten paperclips stuck together
…nine yards of duct tape
…eight extension cords
…seven empty boxes
…six AA batteries
…five feet of rope
…four brand new tires
…three bars of soap
…two socks that go together
…and a burger with some french fries