Local Resident Identifies as Adverb [SATIRE]

BISBEE, AZ -Local resident Arno Yesman made news when he came out as a porgskal and openly declared he now identifies as his own adverb and any other parts of speech that would not him put into a grammatical box or allow for any sort of conversation without him feeling personally offended.

“Claiming your own pronoun has gone too mainstream; I’m trying to stay ahead of the curve by identifying as my own adverb. Depending on my mood and the day of the week, I could even identify as my own preposition. People shouldn’t assume my part of speech and try to start conversations with me.”

When asked for clarification by a reporter, Arno explained, “Today I was feeling very snoghspy, but sometimes I woppsikally jazz it up. Wait, is today Bjoursdey? The sknoooban festival starts soon.”

When told he just said a lot of nothing, Arno called for cancelling the reporter for being close minded.

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